Harry Potter and the Time of Pain
by JamieWhite18
Summary: When life becomes too much Harry becomes an animagus. When Dumbledore finds out about his past and what he did he has to come to terms with the possibility that he might be too late to save Harry from his depression.
1. Lost and Found

**AN: Ok so I was completely unhappy with the story now that I've had time to look back and read it not to mention a lot of it just didn't make any sense. Now everyone who is getting alerts saying that I posted something new....well this chapter isn't new the chapters after will be. And I'm not sure if you get alerts telling you if I deleted chapters but if you do sorry about all the mail in your inbox. Anyway let's hope the second times the charm.**

Chapter 1

Harry had been practicing on his own for some time for this. The life he had lead just kept pulling him in all different directions and he was finally fed up. The burden of being human was just too much to bare.

He thought back on all the times he had been bullied by his relatives. Not only emotionally abused and mentally abused but they had physically abused him as well. Oddly enough it wasn't the fact that they called him a freak, punished him, verbally abused him, let Dudley use him as a play thing, or made him do all the chores it was the fact that they had lied to him about his parents and had tried to keep him from the world he belonged in that bothered him the most.

Now you might think Harry was exaggerating when he said plaything but it was true. Harry wasn't allowed to play with Dudley but Dudley could beat up on him like any of his other toys. Fifteen years of this and Harry was sick of it. So at the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts he had secretly ordered a book on Animagus transformations. Of course he already started reading one in the library at school but he didn't want teachers on him during the summer so he had allowed the set back when he returned to the Dursleys. He would rather the set back then for anyone to suspect what he was doing.

It was now October 31. Ironic really that he should do this on the anniversary of his parents' death and it almost made him reconsider. He still went through with it. His friends had hoped that he would get over Sirius's death and assumed he needed time on his own which is why they hadn't wondered why he spent so much time on his own. He did his homework so Hermione couldn't bother him about it.

He had thought about the Room of Requirement but decided against it since both Hermione and Ron knew where it was as well as some of the teachers. In the end he decided on the Astronomy tower. No one would think of him all the way up there. Just to be sure people couldn't find him he had hidden his map in the Room of Requirement. He had opted to miss the Halloween Feast in favor of transforming.

He closed his eyes and prepared to transform. He felt himself slowly shrink and a tail formed. When he opened his eyes he had to take a moment to figure out how to move. Once he had though he had no more trouble. He went down the steps of the tower and bumped into something unexpected. Suddenly someone picked him up by the scruff of the neck.

"Hey there." A voice said. Harry couldn't quite make out who it was. "Aren't you a cute little kitty." So he was a cat? Harry meowed in response. In one of the times Harry could see he found he was being held by none other then Albus Dumbledore. Dumbledore scratched Harry's belly and even though Harry was less then happy with the Headmaster he purred in delight. Dumbledore chuckled. "You haven't seen Harry have you?" Harry stopped purring. He squirmed trying to get out of Dumbledore's grasp. "You know?" Harry froze. "Did he tell you to keep it from me?"

Harry leapt out of Dumbledore's arms but stuck by his side. He was oddly attached to him at the moment. _Of course I'm not going to tell you where I am._ Harry thought. He passed a mirror as he followed Dumbledore back up the tower. Harry was jet black with his bright green eyes. Better yet there was no scar! He was judging by his size about maybe six months old. However Harry was hurt that Dumbledore could guess it was him.

Dumbledore found the place Harry had used for transforming. He picked up the book and sighed. "Oh Harry what have you done?" he asked. He also picked up Harry's journal that Harry had been writing in lately. He read a few pages. "What have I done?" He looked at the cat. "I guess this explains you. Doesn't it Harry?" Harry made himself small against the floor feeling more then a little guilty. Dumbledore picked Harry up. "It's alright Harry."

Harry was still reluctant to believe Dumbledore. He still felt a little guilty but couldn't bring himself to regret his decision. Dumbledore carried him while he shrank the two books and put them in his pocket while keeping it from Harry. The few pages Dumbledore read had been disturbing and happened to describe Harry's treatment at the Dursleys. He hadn't realized how hurt Harry had actually been.

He let Harry go when they entered his office. He sat down on one of the chairs and looked intently at Harry. "I assume you don't know how to change back." Harry looked indignant.

_Of course I know how to change back! I just don't want to._ Harry thought furiously.

"So you do know how to change back?" Dumbledore asked. Harry nodded. "Would you do so?" Harry stood and turned facing away from him to show he wasn't exactly thrilled with the Headmaster at the moment. He tried to look important and intimidating but it was hard to do when you are a kitten. Dumbledore sighed looking older. "Look at me Harry." Harry ignored him. He felt a hand on his head and Harry responded by nuzzling into it. So deprived of affection, he would take any at all even if it was from someone he was mad with. Dumbledore picked him up and put him in his lap.

_Stop it Harry._ Harry snapped at himself. _He ignored you all last year! Stop enjoying this._ But the other part of his brain said ~Enjoy it. This is what you wanted isn't it? Affection? And he said he was sorry about what he did. ~ _I know he said that. But he's just trying to ease his guilt. He doesn't care about me._ ~If he didn't care why would he go looking for you after the feast? How would he have known you were up there? He must have seen you go up there and got worried when you didn't come back down. ~

"I'm really sorry Harry." Dumbledore whispered softly as Harry curled up in his lap. Harry turned and despite what his mind was telling him licked the Headmaster's fingers affectionately. He purred deeply and closed his eyes. Transforming had been hard work. "Please Harry. Change back." Harry opened his eyes and shook his head. "Alright. I'll let you sleep for now but we'll continue in the morning." Dumbledore said with a sigh.

Harry jumped off and curled up by the fire falling asleep almost instantly. Dumbledore took out Harry's journal and started to read.


	2. Planning

Yes, reading Harry's journal was a mistake. Dumbledore had decided this after reading the first sentence and had closed the book. It was one thing to be worried and protective, it was completely another to invade one's thoughts and experiences without consent.

Perhaps in time Harry would let him reading his journal if he proved he really was just concerned and really did want to repair his mistakes. Perhaps then Harry would allow him at least a glimpse into the journal but for now the journal was off-limits as was trying to control Harry in any way.

That had been one of the reasons why Dumbledore hadn't pushed Harry to change back. Commanding Harry was not something you just do like commanding a chess piece the only way to successfully have Harry on your side was to let him allow it to happen and give him the idea of exactly what you were going to do. That meant no more secrets. No more planning things without Harry's consent. And above all that meant informing Harry of every piece of information that he had even the most secretive and hidden plots would need to be laid out before Harry and Harry would need to decide whether to keep them or wipe out the plans entirely.


	3. Hiding

**A.N.: OK! Great news! I graduated yesterday June 7****th****. For any of you who don't know what that really means it means this: I have all the time in the world for a while to do nothing but write for my stories which means more updates and more often! Yay! **

**Sorry for the long wait but juggling my many courses (English, history, math, anatomy & physiology, creative writing, mythology, drivers Ed, graduation project, and another subject that I can't think of at the moment cause I had to take eight on top of the grad project) and writing were just too much to handle and still get good grades but now I'm back and, after a little recovery time, better than ever. But to celebrate my graduating, enjoy the following chapter.**

Harry woke up feeling very groggy. He was surprised that as soon as he opened his eyes he didn't need to reach for his glasses. His next shock was that when he stood he was still very very low to the ground. Everything looked huge and rather scary. Then he remembered the events of the previous night. He felt pride rush through him at his solo accomplishment. It was, however, quickly followed by irritation at Dumbledore quickly discovering him and his identity.

Still he couldn't help but feel a certain gratitude towards the man as he would have most likely ended up as someone's pet if not lost and scared somewhere in the castle. At least in the Headmaster's office he knew exactly where he was and that no one would try to keep him as a pet.

He began to really look around in his small cat form. The instruments that he had broken the last time he had been in that office were fixed as though nothing had happened to them and, rather than looking fragile, it looked strong, formidable and kind of scary. As he looked around he couldn't help but feel rather scared by everything in that room that appeared to belong to a giant.

Suddenly he heard footsteps coming his way and he jumped up to hide. He skidded a bit in his rush but managed to hide underneath one of the many bookshelves in the office. He heard the footsteps, which he now noticed to be rather gentle, headed in his direction. He was confident that there would be no way that the stranger would be able to remove him. They stopped in front of the bookshelf that he was hiding under.

Just as suddenly as the footsteps had started, Albus Dumbledore's voice rang through the air, still as gentle and calm as ever. "Harry, it's alright. Come out now."

Harry wasn't sure he wanted to. He felt safe under the bookshelf and he really had no desire to leave the safety of his hideout. He meowed in response as an attempt to tell Dumbledore 'no'. He easily heard Dumbledore sigh in reply.

"I have food out here." He tried to persuade. Harry still refused to leave from out of the bookshelf. After quite a few attempts to get him out he seemly gave up because Harry heard the retreating footsteps and Harry suddenly felt very lonely.


End file.
